The weirdest story I struggled through all week was the convoluted tale of the Greenmarket farmer lying down with Wall Street scum and waking up ruined. It really needed an interactive element to keep track of all the claims and counter-claims. But at least it raised a tiny bit of confused awareness that there had to be far more heritage turkeys for sale than for real this year (free-range alone does not a Bourbon Red make). Still, the most bizarre detail went unremarked: “Three barrels of turkeys went to waste”? Turkeys are quantified by barrels? Maybe the reporter meant what McSweeney’s described as a hillbilly Thanksgiving menu: Wild turkey. Wild Turkey.