Archive for August, 2012

SemiHo wants you to do a Mex-over

August 2012

And the Egopedist is really getting nutrition-nutty, not to mention confusing himself with either that God the founder or at least a kitchen messiah. He’s not a doctor, but he’s playing one online, at least when he’s not calling the dead “pigs.” What’s amazing is that the outlet that created a monster used to have standards; now no one has a problem with him basically yelling milk in a confused theater. He really is the Paul Ryan of food. Meanwhile, back in the Sunday book review they’re getting all snarky on lose-weight-fast best-sellers. Fake physician, stop yourself.

Don’t forget the Cedar and cigs

August 2012

Then again, I read the hometown paper’s entire piece on efforts to whack the salt and fat in cheese and could only wonder: WTF? Why does a relatively ancient food/concept need to be manipulated to fit into an already over-manipulated food chain? Of all the things posing a risk on either front, Cheddar ranks pretty low. Plus, not once did a presumably vetted story offer the most logical advice: Rather than messing with such a great thing, why not just tell people to take smaller bites?

Also, too, having spent a total of 70 months of my life subjected to the anal-retentive insularity of copy desk rules/regulations/speculation at that paper, I am constantly (and sadly) astonished by what makes it into print in the 24/7 news cycle. Take the report on Amtrak’s food costs, which actually cited Republican lying-figures to show it’s employee wages/benefits that are to blame for losses. “A $9.50 hamburger on the train costs taxpayers $16, the charts showed.” Not even an “allegedly” for that rolling merde?

“Chilled soup of the day: gazpacho or tomato”

August 2012

Not to pick on that one paper too much. We also get the other, self-branded hometown paper on Sundays only, and one of our penalties is USA Weekend, which has decided it’s 1988 all over again on its food page. Not only are the recipes all low-fat this and reduced-sodium that (and without even the payback of any craptastic processed ads), they also seem divorced from how real America eats. At the most glorious time of year for produce, when the hardest part of shopping is resisting buying every piece of bursting-ripe perfection you see, why run a recipe for macaroni and cheese made with frozen squash purée? Yeah. Turn on your oven on one of these 90-degree days, coat your baking dish with cooking spray and open up a box of Birds Eye. I’m a big believer in recycling, but not of tired ideas. At the very least the damn thing could have been freshened up with kale — before that frenzy passes its sell-by date.

You can almost hear the fizz in root beer gum

August 2012

The Murdoch Crier had an amusing interview with the guy who runs the company that is now “the biggest distributor of salsa in the U.S.,” and that’s not counting the mole they define as “a Mexican simmer sauce.” What made it so entertaining was watching a 1 percenter essentially spin a corporate tool of a stenographer. Asked when his last Spam meal was, he sounded like $Palin: “Oh, all of them.” I know from gutless, but wouldn’t it have been great for the followup to be: And how does it go with the Chateau d’Yquem?

RTs, MTs & UTs & bloggers in shorts at Del Posto

August 2012

Prosciutto is how rich people salt their cantaloupe. Nothing goes with crookneck squash like nutmeg — or vice versa. “Comfort food that hugs you” sounds more like a horror movie than a cookbook — Little Kitchen of Linguine. Not sure we should be getting excited about Wagyu from Japan, where the Japanese can no longer even eat the rice. Do we need another teetotaler in the White House? — abstinence makes you war-thirsty. Isn’t carrot tartare the second ingredient in coleslaw?  When it comes to Chinese restaurants, new is not always better. . . Never eat in a sushi bar serving a “grandma roll” — Japanese for Soylent? Whenever I see a chef recipe targeted at civilians calling for nearly a quart of (unrecyclable) olive oil, I want to move to Planet Clueless. Remember tomato water? (Always sounded like one took a leak. Which is what one did in my bag on the way home today.) Typhoid Mary was a cook (& oldsters in Manhattan can’t walk past Chelsea pizzeria where patrons got hepatitis for free).  And if the apple slices oxidize before your speech ends, your presentation needs more wine.

Oh, why the hell not?

August 2012

Since everyone else is doing that centennial thing. Awful as it sounds, one of the funnest assignments ever was: “Get Julia in the vault. And you can take months to do it.”