Archive for April, 2017

“Butler” sequel will be a horror film

April 2017

Every day I wake up and think: “It could be worse. At least I don’t have to scrub toilets in the White House.” And then the day goes on and more awfulness pours on and I flash onto why that orange shit-eating grin looks familiar. It will put you off your bloody Mary . . .

Moscow mules. Or asses.

April 2017

And it gets worse: Climate change is killing off Champagne grapes. We will go through End Times with nothing to ease the pain.

Hamsters, fed 

April 2017

Saddest thing about the Magnificent doc? How directly My Biggest Fan nailed what has happened to the food world, and why I have lost so much interest. Used to be you had a week’s or month’s respite before being ka-slammed with a barrage of hottest/newest bullshit. Now it is nonstop.

Puppy. Drum.

April 2017

Big scandale down NOLA way might have an easy answer: Locals can’t write “see it like a local” stories cuz they have no idea where to sleep. AMA about Manhattan, and I am clueless on where to drop $300 a night beyond our own AirBnB. . .

Tattoo handouts with those phones?

April 2017

The Chinese must be laughing at us all for living in such interesting times. Immigration authorities are cracking down even harder even though immigration is way down thanks to the Kenyan Muslim. So in one day you will read that Tyson Foods is so desperate for workers willing to do hard, dangerous jobs that it’s actually (OMFG) raising wages. And that food pantries and other social services are finding immigrants are going into hiding, too terrified even to seek help, let alone sign on to suit up to whack up chickens. I guess safety through unaffordable food was always the plan?

Chocolate cake, unmolten

April 2017

A whole beat could be devoted to covering how the Taint affects big-name chefs who made deals back when he was just a weasel who stiffed contractors. Meantime, I’m enjoying the pushback. First our true national hero persisted. Then the high point of the #sciencemarch came when hundreds of people in the cohort I was among stopped to boo, at four-star levels of loudness, in front of Nougatine/Jean Georges. I go up and down on whether hitting the streets matters, but if it cuts into business for those who lay* down with vermin, I’m all up in it. (*Past tense is a form of forgiveness. Who knew how evil the orange might go?)

Is that a cigarette or are you just glad to cup-size?

April 2017

I know I’ve said this many times in the going-on-15-years here, but an old Redd Foxx joke increasingly comes to mind. It was about the waitress (as they were professionally correct to be called back in the Sixties) in a skimpy uniform/costume who was serving coffee in a Las Vegas cafe. “Sugar?” she asked, pulling out a couple of packets from her bosoms. “Cream?” she proceeds. Punch line? “You wouldn’t dare!” Starting to think of that every time I see tops teasingly tweaked open to sell cookbooks. I might wonder who really did the recipes, but I do not need the dairy.

$46 service, chicken included 

April 2017

I never know quite what to make of this kind of stuff but am certain of one thing: The most money I ever made in my life before I landed a job at the (now dead) Louisville Times was as a waitress in the summer before I dropped out of college. People, even down-and-outers (or especially down-and-outers), could not leave enough on the diner table to encourage this working-her-way-through-college striver. Unfortunately, I moved on to Nebraska and learned in a single day how the serving pros are perceived. As one of those, I made exactly 15 cents in tips on my first and only day. There’s a big argument lately over whether everyone should go to college. I vote yes, if not just to feed your head by expanding your horizons. The attaboys at part-time jobs will keep you going.