Archive for the ‘ill winds’ Category

Japanese for mozzarella

June 2011

Also thanks to this trip I have new appreciation for the ridiculously bloated TSA. If not for insane security kabuki guaranteeing a steady supply of airport captives, would decent, affordable places to eat and drink ever have landed so close to runways? (Can you say Vino Volo at EWR?) Now if only the fear factor could spread to airline catering sweatshops. Whatever was on my deezgusting Continental/United tray as “beef pot roast” was too scary to ingest, even before I started thinking I would be eating a dead cow seven miles up in the sky even as the waters around Japan are getting scarier. On my first day in Milan I was in the food hall on the top floor of laRinascente when the most violent storm I have ever witnessed slammed into the city, with sheets of rain and truckloads of hail. A more primitive people would have been scared straight to Kyoto. But everyone under the glass roof just kept calm and carried on eating and drinking and taking snapshots and making videos. Afterward, I went down a flight to housewares and saw eco-sensitive sponges for sale. In the shape of penguins.

It’s all KBR water now

March 2008

And now we’re learning the awful truth that endless marketing of bottled water cannot drown out. All the overpriced, largely unneeded products of Big Pharma don’t stop with us. They flush right into the water supply. And we drink everyone else’s Viagra/Valium milkshake. A boom business would be selling one-way tickets at funeral homes. Who would want to come back to a planet this befouled?

Bad pig

August 2007

Here’s a subject line I never expected to read in an email from Niman Ranch: “new bacon flavors.” I clicked the thing open with dread — were they shilling strawberry-taco-Ranch, perhaps? But it didn’t even have to be that bad. Has this country really advanced so far in these last few years that American palates are not still reveling just in the astonishing difference between true bacon and industrial garbage? Do they really need maple and chipotle? I just hope heritage turkeys don’t take the chemical bait and start arriving with cranberry-sage-butter self-basters. Didn’t some brilliant guy once say cuisine is when things taste like themselves? And why do I suspect he would be extraordinarily renditioned if he spouted that stuff at immigration today?Here’s a subject line I never expected to read in an email from Niman Ranch: “new bacon flavors.” I clicked the thing open with dread — were they shilling strawberry-taco-Ranch, perhaps? But it didn’t even have to be that bad. Has this country really advanced so far in these last few years that American palates are not still reveling just in the astonishing difference between true bacon and industrial garbage? Do they really need maple and chipotle? I just hope heritage turkeys don’t take the chemical bait and start arriving with cranberry-sage-butter self-basters. Didn’t some brilliant guy once say cuisine is when things taste like themselves? And why do I suspect he would be extraordinarily renditioned if he spouted that stuff at immigration today?