Verbally illing

More signs the food world is brutal on the English language: Goodburger is describing its lettuce (iceberg lettuce at that) as “hand-leafed.” Agave, I noticed in walking by, serves “hand-hacked” guacamole (except to Van Gogh, who gets the ear-hacked kind). And just consider the slogan of the new brand I spotted in the dairy case at what the Grocer calls the Food Shitty near me: “Milk from real cows.” As opposed to what? Would the response “udder nonsense” be too obvious?

Also, I got this secondhand from a real restaurant reviewer whose name starts with P: Some joint where he recently wasted a meal on a bad tip is serving “crustiness.” Apparently that is Albanian for crostini.

And I can’t be the only New Yorker who got the (hill)willies thinking about eating steaks carved from animals all descended from one bull, as the forthcoming Primehouse is promising. They have a name for that in Appalachia. It’s called Rudy’s first marriage. Then again, a steak sandwich made with what the new Kingswood claims to be serving might be all right: heir tomatoes. That’s the Wasp way of saying depleted gene pool.