Or they could encrust a bra

A guy whose unread books pile up in my office like sins to be confessed placed a lively op-ed in the NYTimes proposing a clever way to wipe out the invasive species endangering American waterways: Eat ’em. That’s easy for him to say. He obviously thinks about carp in the abstract. When I was growing up, my dad would catch those nasty things along with catfish and bluegill and crappies, but even he never forced us to eat the four-letter fish. Instead he would always put them out them for our herd of cats. As poorly fed as they were in a house with not enough food for the humans, they would leave those grotesqueries to rot to high heaven. Since reading an insanely good story in Harper’s on how entrepreneurs are trying to get rich on human shit, I’ve decided a better solution to carp overpopulation would be to eliminate the middleman. Just turn the fish into fertilizer with no human consumption.