Speaking of booze and the simian’s trashing of America, I realized things are much, much worse than the news pages let on when I flipped through the weekly coupons and saw $5- and $2-off options for . . . “spirits.” WTF? Coupons are what you use to cut the price of toilet paper and Ziploc bags, not essential nutrients. It was weird enough when all the snooty wine shops I frequent started lining every square inch next to the cash register with airline-size shots of hard alcohol for a quick buck. But rebates for Tanqueray and Johnnie Walker? Instead of investing in an apple cart I should be learning how to make hard cider. Maybe even applejack.