Vienna sausage sounded too furren

Don’t ask what took me to the Gerber aisle in the Food Shitty, but I found the scariest product there since Hormel’s pork brains in milk gravy: Meat Sticks. Seriously. Little logs of mystery substance submersed in slime. How much would you have to love your kid to pop open a jar of those suckers and shove them down his/her gullet? Beyond the grossness, the amazing thing is the paucity of imagination in the naming. The best they could do was sticks. Even string cheese is not as lame, and that sounds faintly tamponesque.