I have probably nattered many times about how addicted I am to the coupons in the Sunday papers. The view they offer into the heart of supermarket darkness is just awesome, although I do feel a bit chagrined to realize I am no different from the Bronx housewives Gary Shteyngart describes in “Absurdistan” (reading the coupons as if they were newspapers). But all too often I come across a real LOL new product, and this time it is the “Tusconi.” Which is “soft-baked,” whatever that means (pillows in the oven?) Whoever cooked it up is obviously an Onion reader who remembered that story headlined “Area Woman Will Eat Anything With Tuscan in Name.” No wonder bruschetta is in the remastered French mix.