Blame the cat on the keyboard (kitty? kiddy?)

The competition is getting stiffer by the hour, but right now my candidate for the most cretinous new food product has to be “bagel holes.” Maybe I have not been paying close enough attention, but I don’t think bagels have holes punched out like doughnuts; the shape is the thing. So they’re selling either the air in the center or something truly doughy-awful. Then again, they’re marketing this crap to kids, judging by the coupon in my favorite part of the Sunday paper. And kids can’t have changed much since my brothers and sisters and I took such great pleasure in balling up bits of crappy white bread into something bigger than a nostril. So, sure, a mom should feel quite proud to send her progeny off to school clutching storebought gummy dough while depriving of them of the chance to make rosary beads from scratch. All water will one day be fluoridated with insulin, right?