Sushi or salmon mousse?

The most unintentionally LOL story of the week had to be the WSJournal’s headlined “Coach Food Goes to New Heights.” The airlines could probably actually turn a profit if they spent less money hyping their shitty fare and just made it better — either they’re hiring celebrity chefs with huge hoopla (and no perceptible improvements in the crap) or they’re sending out releases boasting of worthless new tactics that the average passenger suffering in steerage would trade for just one plain bag of peanuts. This dutiful roundup had it all: Todd English is whipping up almond-butter-and-grape-jelly sandwiches (the Onion couldn’t have done better); American is selling Boston Market sandwiches and salads to “give passengers assurance of the quality of the food” (ditto on the Onion). Not only is it processed chain crap, but it’s now processed chain crap “prepared by the catering companies that supply American’s food.” You know, the ones who made those old chicken-or-beef mystery meals that were once endless butts of jokes and now seem like fine dining. The great improvements are all junk: chicken gyros and smoothes and Ben & Jerry’s. The most telling quote came from a passenger who said she had brought a Subway sandwich on board because it had to be better than what they were selling. When you can’t beat that faux food, no amount of propaganda can save you.

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