After the WSJ’s fascinating but depressing piece on hyped-up flavors in processed crap, I griped over at the Epi-Log that fresh fruit doesn’t get enough marketing muscle behind it. And then what should appear in the pile of mail on our doormat but a CD from the watermelon promotion people. As my consort wondered: Watermelon needs promotion? It is, to quote the packet, an American icon. Unfortunately, we both know from traveling to 12 states in 1992 for our ill-fated harvest book that farmers are almost always shaken down for marketing money that mostly goes into lobbyist pockets. But it’s still sad to see a product that retails for literally pennies a pound had potential profits siphoned off to pay some chef somewhere to come up with watermelon . . . caprese. Much as I love mozzarella, bacon would almost have been a better partner. And, to quote Ogden Nash, liquor is quicker. A bendy straw and some vodka and watermelons would sell themselves.