So are PopTarts, but that hasn’t stopped some foolish chef from not only reinventing them but also hiring a flack to tout his/her idiocy. I mean, really: These crimes against patisserie originated in a good bakery somewhere; Big Food just ran with the idea of pie for breakfast and the toaster as an oven. Way, way back when I was in high school in I got an A on an assignment in General Business analyzing advertisements when I noted that everything essential was omitted from PopTarts’. Today it’s just profoundly sad that neither a baker nor his/her promoter would know there’s such a thing as an empanada. Or strudel. Not for the first time, I realize American cuisine should be renamed Bastardized.