“We are the white”

For some reason I cannot convince my in-law equivalent she’s wasting her money buying me a Christmas subscription to the world’s highest-circulation fud magazine. So it looks as if I’ll get material to mock for yet another year. But I really am not sure how much sillier it can get as it aspires more cravenly to the GE Profile level of ad. Of all the things Champagne is made for, basting a goddamn turkey ranks pretty far down the wine rack. And “the secret is to use lots of fresh parsley” only adds insult to injury to reader intelligence. If you’re going to bust out the big booze, at least reach for sage. And hold the canned consomme. The funniest part is that the idiotically pretentious recipe comes with a “test kitchen tip” to buy a full bottle of the fancy sparkler to have some left over to sip (I presume they needed at least a case to ease their consciences). And it has a prayer printed alongside. I do hope the mercy it asks from God our loving Father is destined for the editor who chose it. Because Champale is not quite Pol Roger.

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