Prosciutto is how rich people salt their cantaloupe. Nothing goes with crookneck squash like nutmeg — or vice versa. “Comfort food that hugs you” sounds more like a horror movie than a cookbook — Little Kitchen of Linguine. Not sure we should be getting excited about Wagyu from Japan, where the Japanese can no longer even eat the rice. Do we need another teetotaler in the White House? — abstinence makes you war-thirsty. Isn’t carrot tartare the second ingredient in coleslaw?  When it comes to Chinese restaurants, new is not always better. . . Never eat in a sushi bar serving a “grandma roll” — Japanese for Soylent? Whenever I see a chef recipe targeted at civilians calling for nearly a quart of (unrecyclable) olive oil, I want to move to Planet Clueless. Remember tomato water? (Always sounded like one took a leak. Which is what one did in my bag on the way home today.) Typhoid Mary was a cook (& oldsters in Manhattan can’t walk past Chelsea pizzeria where patrons got hepatitis for free).  And if the apple slices oxidize before your speech ends, your presentation needs more wine.