The other mystification is why Heinz was worth so fucking much money. Right before the genius financier whose name is always shortened to a food line bought the company, it occurred to me to wonder whether diabetes would have become so widespread if French fries had not always been paired with semisolid red syrup. The starch, the grease and the sugar equal a triple threat; mayonnaise would be more healthful (and definitely more satisfying). But the whole deal is unsettling. Ketchup is a condiment, an accessory, not essential at all; this is like someone paying billions for a scarf maker. As you read the coverage more closely, though, you see it’s not just about shaking one bottle. The same company makes baby food . . .