An heirloom tomato from a greenhouse is still just a hothouse tomato. // A photo of a pulled pork sandwich should never look like a used Kotex. // Would never want to be caught at happy hour with MoDo & Ginny Noonan. The bitters would flood the joint. // Not sure anyone ever wants Brussels sprouts in macaroni and cheese. But definitely not in asparagus season. // First time I tasted black truffle thought it was like something you’d scrape off your shoe bottom. // Tip for restaurants: Don’t have “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” playing while you keep people on hold forever . . . // If I were the grudge-holding sort, I’d wonder where the E-Rectum mob was when the Schnorrer recycled a feature that once made them grab their pitchforks to defend his originality. // Just read that “jewelry” falling into produce is a big threat to food safety. Yep, those diamonds on poorly paid fingers do carry the bacteria. // Excellent Colbert on the aspersions on the asparagus. // And pinot grigio is Italian for insipid.

Also, too: I came home from the 15 CPW commissary and Tweeted/FB’d that rich people don’t care about flavor. To which one Swift-savvy reader responded: Yeah, they eat the poors with ketchup without tasting them first.