Somewhere there’s undoubtedly a Republikan plotting how to take credit for saving poor Americans from diarrhea lettuce by whacking SNAP. (If you can’t buy the fecal greens you don’t need health care, either.) But given how bare the toilet paper shelves have been at Holy Foods since the outbreak showed Project 2025 turned the CDC into an outhouse, you almost wonder if Big Biz would be diabolical enough to have greens and tissue producers colluding. 

(We went in search of an Aperol spritz after the Guggenheim and wound up at a sidewalk table on the Upper East Side across from a Taco Bell, where the log-in for free WiFi said “you’ll thank us later.” Yes. Everything is shitty right now.)