I guess if you don’t swallow . . .

The internets were alive with the sound of mocking when the new “food media” program was announced at the school that mistook itself for a cube. Talk about those who can, do. If anyone wants to pay to learn how to start a blog, I have a 7-year-old I can recommend as a teacher. I do have to say, though, “the ethics of comps” is one of the more fascinating turns of phrase ever. Hasn’t the ongoing national circus proven you cannot be just a little bit pregnant?

Ghost repeaters

Then again, how desperate would you have to be to take a flack up on an offer to live-blog a press stunt? People are really going to clog the series of tubes with twits on tea in return for the chance to be a star handing out business cards in the age of Facebook? Sounds like the cyber casting couch. Then again, that kind of comfort work is working out okay on the Bam front. Ad Age “caught up to the celebrity chef on the set of a Crest commercial shoot” and asked, “How do you stay authentic?” Not coincidentally, the accompanying photo showed him in an organic tomato field. Presumably up to his knees in manure.

Bigger than a breadbox

My consort and I are probably the last viewers in America to catch up to the British version of “The Office.” And it’s too bad I know this is impossible, but one segment seemed to have been drawn directly from Planet Food. That would be, of course, the one where the losermates are all clowning painfully to raise money for suffering somewhere. In both cases, hearts were probably in right places, but it didn’t even have to be labeled Chuckling for Chad to get the joke.

Do you have San Marzano in a can?

I don’t know why I never noticed this, after 24 years in the business, but something about the idiocy piling up on the series of tubes flashed it into my brain in neon. Food spelled backward is the best reversal since god and dog. And jeebus, does it fit some of the overextended pap producers I read these days (one thanks to this BS detector). Too bad Andy Warhol is not around to reassure us everyone will be blogging for only 15 minutes.