The color of tofu

A couple of damning photos also made the e-rounds, contrasting Teabaggers with wackos the last time that set was so riled up and out in the streets, protesting integration as “communism” in the 1950s. The real reason for their anger is clear enough. But what’s most fascinating is that the wingnuts today are, as Fey posing as Falin pointed out, so obese they have to protest sitting down. Back then they were skinny. But of course that was before government corn subsidies made American food so cheap.

That explains the Russian Tea Room

I have to say I was shocked, shocked to read the comments on one provincial paper’s website after Mrs. O had the audacity to take the kids to Grimaldi’s. (She’s a Communist, she’s spending taxpayer dollars, yadda-wacko-and-out.) There is good news, though: Wingnuts grow in Brooklyn. Which means it has not been totally overtaken by the food hipsters.

Goat virgins & violators

Of all the silliness in this country right now, the way the Teabaggers are taking offense at being called what they named themselves ranks right up there with no-mierda stories on how cheese has turned trendy. If they don’t like their chosen label, maybe they could find a new way to attach tea to their ridiculous hats. I guess the problem is that loose tea is elitist, and Teaballers would sound worse. But really, they’re as laughable as that Asian soup company would be if it changed its name to Rooster and attacked anyone for calling it Cock.

No cake bibles allowed

Talk about taking the bait: Some particularly deluded wingnuts (if that phrase isn’t redundant) started saying the Big O was going to ban sport fishing, and of course every kkkrazy lost it. If he were the malicious sort, he could wake up every day with a new way to yank their chains. Like threatening to take away their Cheetos. Or tax them.

Tooth-free or die

The WSJournal’s gin expert assured readers “no one normal” watched the health reform summit, but I spent the day mesmerized online once I discovered the Sunlight Foundation was not just streaming it live but posting, as each mouthpiece spoke, all the $$$ he/she had taken from various special interests. And it all exposed just what I think the Big O (who also had his $$ totted up) wanted. It made the Party of No seem petty and ugly and over-privileged, even before the anecdote about the woman who had to wear her dead sister’s dentures was greeted with “let ’em eat applesauce” in the rabid foamosphere. I think the best response was from Steve Pearlstein in the WashPost, who said what the obstructionists propose is comparable to “offering a starving man a $2 off coupon on his next dinner at Le Bernardin.” Because those of us with insurance will still pick up the ER tab, complete with the $220-an-ounce supplement for the caviar. Heckuva job, anti-Democrats.

And a leader the color of Mimoulette

Next time the arugula-addled wingnuts want to go faux-populist ballistic about food, they really need to check out what liberals love to eat in this country. Hint: It hasn’t been Brie since Reagan was asleep at the Iran-Contra switch. That’s nothing more than albino Velveeta in a brave new world of Epoisses/Taleggio/MtTam. Forget saltines. We are all water crackers now.

Better lobster tails than MRE’s

Now my shock meter must be broken, because the news that one in four kids in this country is subsisting on food stamps just didn’t surprise me. I was a little amazed that so many more retirees are having to go to food pantries to get by these days, given that they represent the one sector of our defiantly nonsocialist society that proudly benefits from sharing the wealth (which is a good thing, considering the price of cat fud is going up like everything else). The one thing that left my jaw dropping was the ugliness of the comments on the NYTimes lede story on how many people are now relying on government help for food. If you need any proof that this is not a “Christian country,” wade into that cesspool. The same sort who believe women should die rather than get an abortion, and would ban birth control if they could, are damning parents for producing too many mouths to feed. And that’s the least hateful reaction. At least some commenters noted that the map of the needy was darkest in the “red” states, the ones that elect the con men who talk up the culture wars and fiscally fuck the voters every time. Reminds me of that old saying: Give a conservative a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and you’ll never eat again. . . .

And George Soros will eat your unborn

Once upon a time you had to pay cash money to see a freak show. Now you just prowl wherever wingnuts froth. After the Center for Nutrition Nazism issued its latest freakout, on movie popcorn, one addled Beckite was incensed that the fearmongers had not been identified in news reports as “left-wing.” To which a commenter ranted that liberal activists had already taken away “real butter” at concession stands. You have to be pretty deluded to think that what the multiplex gougers splash over your kernels ever came anywhere near an udder. Allah help them if they ever realize the cheese-libs moved their Velveeta.

Chickenhawk steak

I’m no fan of MoDo, who gives unmarried menopausal women a very bad name, but I have to admit she knocked one out of the hot dog park in poking Rush the Malevolent Blowhard. As she recalled, when they shared a meal at ’21,’ the man of the little people ordered the high-priced fish eggs plus Freedom wine (Corton-Charlemagne, to be precise). Those were the good old days, before he sent the maid to buy the oxycontin. It’s just too bad his peasants can’t read. He’s very smart to infect them with fear of poisoning from the wrong end of the alimentary canal.

Pie Spy

Proof that Faux News is addling America big time: A very traditional bakery is selling “holiday-shaped” cookies. It would make sense if there were Kwanza and Hanukah shapes. But you can’t say Christmas? Even if you’re punching out dough as trees and bells?

Real fakes use onions, not Vick’s

I guess I should be worried: The older I get, the less set in my beliefs I am. I used to think “reality” cooking shows on the teevee were just jackassery of the lowest order. Now I’m coming around to acknowledging they are seducing whole new generations into the endless wonders of food. And, unlike sports, cooking is competition open to all. But the best perspective came in a piece reporting Gordon Ramsay’s ratings — 8 million viewers — that also noted Glenn Beckkk’s — 3 million. If the revolution is coming, let it be a food fight, not an exercise in “Freaks” feces-flinging.

Half-and-half in the house coffee

Just when you think the wingnuts cannot get any wingnuttier, you read that an obese blowhard with an obscene appetite for prescription drugs and Dominican boys is trashing Mrs. O for buying that Tuscan kale at the White House farmers’ market simply because the Italian name for it is cavolo nero — black cabbage. Which makes it or her racist (not sure even he’s clear on which). On the upside, that sound you heard was pinheads exploding when he dared to use furrin language.