The partly good: Porsena in the East Village, where my consort and I headed after standing outside the kitchen window at Yunnan Kitchen while he read off 100 other destinations on his phone after hearing the wait there was 45 minutes even though the cooks we were staring at were pretty much standing around doing nothing while the patrons boozed it up. (WITA? Not on a bet.) Both of us have good memories of the porchetta at Porchetta, so Bob acceded to my suggestion we support an excellent Tweeter, to the point that he didn’t even stop to read the menu before we bounded in, hungrily. He’d called for a reservation and been told there were no tables, but we got a high one in the bar instantly. And that was about all that happened fast. I’ll do the best news first: The wine list is tantalizing, with lots of unusual offerings, and the pours are generous. Now the frustrating. Jeebus, was it loud, for a tiny restaurant not fully full. Bob was disappointed that the pork options were so few, and we both realized we had chosen the wrong destination for dinner after lunch at home had been pasta perfection. Luckily for our relationship and my cred as a restaurant-chooser, half the food (all appetizers) was outstanding. We assumed the crostini with salami, anchovies and butter would arrive assembled, but we got the nicest little party plate and put the toasted bread together with the pickled red onions and the other elements, only asking the waiter later on if that was correct. (Damned if he knew.) The green bean salad with toasted almonds and fennel was also FTW. But our first taste, crostini with mozzarella and bottarga, was just sad. Maybe if the bread had been toasted? Maybe if the bottarga had been more generous (or fresher/more aged/something)? And while we were happy with the salt cod patties once they’d been kittybagged and recycled into scrambled eggs and, yes, more pasta, they seemed underwhelming at the table. Or maybe we were just cranky. WIGB? Sadly, no. We still regret not bailing and trotting back to Porchetta for a sandwich to eat in the little sidewalk cafe, wine or no wine.
The pretty lame: Liang’s Kitchen in Flushing, where I met up with my amazing food sharers for a Sunday lunch that confirmed my sinking feeling on walking in — that only losers eat in hotel restaurants. This was in the basement of a Best Western, and I was just glad I took a bathroom break and saw there were guest rooms right down the hall from the cacophony — at least I was only paying (almost nothing) for a meal; usually we get the worst lodging. As always, I was blissfully passive as others negotiated the menu; when you eat at a table of 14, you’re bound to find something you like. I was underwhelmed by the bitter melon pancake (omelettesque), the soup dumplings (skins too fragile to deliver the experience that matters more than the taste), the beef rolls (scary meat inside oily fried bread, flavor AWOL), the unsettling fish slices in red chile sauce. But I liked the pickled carrots and cabbage served free, the delicate wontons in incendiary chile oil, the lion’s head meatballs with their haunting spicing (star anise, we guessed), and the lavender-beautiful steamed eggplant was good enough. More dishes landed on that Lazy Susan, I know, and the waitress was amazingly patient, and, most important, all that cost me all of $15. Still, WIGB? Not even with earplugs. But then maybe it was just off-day in the better Chinatown — I headed to Hunan House right afterward to get a smoked duck for dinner for my consort stuck home editing, and that plus an order of “cake dumplings” took just short of forever to arrive and yielded the butt end of the bird, and not much of it at that.
The too-muchness: Chipotle, where we’ve been going more often since Time’s feature on the founder, which included such nuggets as the fact that the food will actually vary from outlet to outlet, intentionally. And it’s true. The only problem is the quantity. You can get too much of a good thing.
The better than we deserve: Mermaid Inn on the Upper West Side, where “social media Monday” lured us out again and where, as always, the food, service and whole experience were so unlike most places in the neighborhood. We split the surprisingly lively iceberg salad with bacon, tomato and blue cheese (or, rather, the kitchen helpfully split it for us) and I had the superb fried green tomatoes topped with crab again. Bob’s trout with corn, guanciale and mushrooms was spectacular, the crisp skin almost popcorny and the assemblage so complementary. (MI cooks are about the only ones who can actually make trout taste like something beyond the grain those fish feed on.) We split a bottle of nebbiolo rosé and had two glasses beyond, since the price was right at 20 percent off the whole bill. Both waiters were outstanding, too (although the new and almost too-friendly one spilled the wine while overpouring). And even though we’re now pegged as regulars, we still get the plastic fish fortune with the free chocolate pudding.
